social anxiety, yes me.

I'm 17 years old, a girl. Uncontrollable crying, not wanting to get out of bed and go to school, and feelings of worthlessness. I was more sensitive. Nevertheless, I remained the consummate perfectionist. For instance, anything less than an “90" in school would validate my sense of inadequacy. Then, I started trying to be invisible. But I forced myself to be more comfortable around people by speaking, even though it was terrifying. I became a chameleon and tried to be and act like the kind of person I believed others thought I should be. No one should have to go through life suffering from social anxiety disorder. I think many children, especially so-called delinquents, experience this.
Ok that's the end, i just wanna say that so bye.

Help Me?

I'm 17 years old now and i've been really depressed for quite some time, just having feelings of not being good enough. I find it hard to find excitement in things, mood swings sometimes i'm really happy, sometimes i'm suicidal. I have friends but i'm not entirely myself with them. For instance i show them a part of me, but the other is missing, deep down. I do show my humour well, but i can't show the heart of me? I go through times of just crying so hard that i have really bad headaches. A big part is just peer pressure. Even know i want to cry. I have no idea what i want to do in a career, i know i'd love to go traveling all around the world, and i definitely want to move. I feel like i don't enjoy doing the things kids my age enjoy to do, my friend just wants to go out all the time and meet people. But i just hate not being in my comfort zone, so i don't go. I do go out with a friend all the time, but when it comes to being with loads of people i don't know to well. I just clam up. I feel deep down i actually like the attention, but sometimes i find it so hard to express myself. It's making me suicidal, and i'm getting to the point where i feel like i'm losing myself. Any suggestions? I don't know how to tell my mom, if i say i'm depressed she will just think i've had a bad day or something, and i always get so sensitive when i talk about it and just cry. I feel weak when I cry.

Thanks...

씨엔블루 (CN Blue) – Can’t Stop

They deceived me! I really thought that they would make an attempt to break free from their usual groovy title songs! Imagine how surprised i was when they accelerated the tempo towards the chorus, and dropped it again for the next verse and the bridge, as if  in a roller coaster ride lol. The prominent violin sound helps to bring out the song's elegance even when it's hybrid of ballad and pop rock. Actually its colour reminds me of “Love Girl”, if not for the violin sound. For the MV itself, the jumping scenes while wearing suits seem like a stark beautiful contrast to me!

HANGUL&ROMANIZATION

그대를 닮은 봄 향기가 아직 차네요

Geu-dae-reul dalm-eun bom hyang-gi-ga a-jik cha-ne-yo

Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now

나는 멈출 수 없네요 I can’t stop loving you

Na-neun meom-chul su eobs-ne-yo I can’t stop loving you

흩날리는 바람에 그대 떠올라
Heut-nal-li-neun ba-ram-e geu-dae ddeo-ol-la

눈 부신 햇살에 그대 떠올라
Nun bu-shin haet-sal-e geu-dae ddeo-ol-la

나는 멈출 수 없네요 I can’t stop loving you

Na-neun meom-chul su eobs-ne-yo I can’t stop loving you

한걸음 뒤라면 허락할 수 있나요 miss you
Han-geol-eum dwi-ra-myeon ha-lak-hal su itt-na-yo miss you

한걸음 뒤에서 나는 기다릴게요
Han-geol-eum dwi-e-seo na-neun gi-da-ril-ge-yo

그것도 안돼요 그것도 안돼요
Geu-geot-do an-dwae-yo geu-geot-do an-dwae-yo

그것도 안되면 그럼 난 어떡하나요

Geu-geot-do an-doe-myeon geu-reon nan eo-ddeok-ha-na-yo

그대 한마디에 나는 웃어요
Geu-dae han-ma-di-e na-neun us-eo-yo

거울처럼 매일 살아요
Geo-ul-cheo-reom mae-il sal-a-yo

나의 하루는 그대의 것이죠

Na-eui ha-ru-neun geu-dae-eui geos-i-jyo

Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now.
그대를 닮은 봄 향기가 아직 차네요
Geu-dae-reul dalm-eun bom hyang-gi-ga a-jik cha-ne-yo

Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now.
나는 멈출 수 없네요 I can’t stop loving you

Na-neun meom-chul su eobs-ne-yo I can’t stop loving you

미친 듯 미칠 듯 한없이 부르다 보면
Mi-chin deut mi-chil deut han-eobs-i bu-reu-da bo-myeon

한번은 돌아볼까요

Han-beon-eun dol-a-bol-gga-yo

Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now
그대만 바라보는 내 맘 아직 시려요
Geu-dae-man ba-ra-bo-neun nae mam a-jik si-ryeo-yp

Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now
나는 멈출 수 없네요 I can’t stop loving you

Na-neun meom-chul su eobs-ne-yo I can’t stop loving you

흩날리는 바람에 그대 떠올라
Heut-nal-li-neun ba-ram-e geu-dae ddeo-ol-li

눈부신 햇살에 그대 떠올라
Nun-bu-shin haet-sal-e geu-dae ddeo-ol-la

나는 멈출 수 없네요 I can’t stop loving you

Na-neun meom-chul su eobs-ne-yo I can’t stop loving you

 

TRANSLATION

I will think of you just once a day, miss you
I’ll try to forget you just once a day
Can’t I? Can’t I?
If I can’t, then what do I do?

At one word you say, I smile
I live like a mirror every day
My day is yours

Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now
The scent of spring that resembles you is still cold
Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now
I can’t stop, I can’t stop loving you

I think of you at the blowing wind
I think of you at the dazzling sunlight
I can’t stop, I can’t stop loving you

If I take a step back, will you allow me? Miss you
I will be waiting from a step back
Can’t I? Can’t I?
If I can’t, then what do I do?

At one word you say, I smile
I live like a mirror every day
My day is yours

Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now
The scent of spring that resembles you is still cold
Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now
I can’t stop, I can’t stop loving you

If I call out to you endlessly, crazily, crazily
Will you hear me at least once?

Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now
My heart that only looks at you is still cold
Can’t stop me now Can’t stop me now
I can’t stop, I can’t stop loving you

I think of you at the blowing wind
I think of you at the dazzling sunlight
I can’t stop, I can’t stop loving you

10 Painful Things

Imma very independent girl and some people think i'm weird because of it, but that doesn't bother me. Just because i'm not afraid to stand up for what i believe in when everyone else is sitting down. That's no reason to follow the crowds, because maybe, just maybe i'll make someone life better because i wasn't afraid. A strong girl has faith that she's strong enough for the journey, but a girl of strength has faith that is in the journey that she will become strong! Here's the 10 painful things for me

1. Bringing back the memories i've learned to forget
2. Reminiscing the good times
3. Trying to hide what i really feel
4. Loving someone who loves another
5. Shielding my heart to love somebody
6. Loving a person too much
7. Right love at the wrong time
8. Taking risk to believe to the person who has hurt me in the past
9. Accepting that it was never meant to be
10. What if(s)

Girls are sensitive. They overthink every little thing and they care way more than they should.

Things That Are Never There When I Needs Them

It usually happens to me when i’m shopping for something i need  something i really, really need  for an occasion or an event and i can’t find it. I will retrace my steps and pick my brain to try and remember the last place i remember seeing it, but no matter how many places i search or how many people i ask, i can’t find it. Here’s a list of the 10 things that are never there when i need them!

1. My phone charger
2. Tissues for a stubborn, runny nose
3. An open seat in the food court. After i’ve purchased my lunch and i'm trying to juggle my purse and a tray full of fries, i’ll have to eat on top of a garbage can until a seat or a table opens up.
4. A tampon hmm
5. The name of a song or a movie or an actor when i'm in the middle of a conversation with a group of people who are also having a giant brain freeze
6. A few extra minutes to get ready in the morning
7. The courage to burst out an “I’m sorry” or an “I love you.” Or both
8. Wristwatch
9. Dress/Shirt of the day
10. Earphones



The 8 Reasons I’d Love To Be An Undateable Girl

People b*tch and complain about being single, stressing how much they hate it and how it’s such a drag to go through life alone. You know what’s a drag? Having to tell someone what you plan on doing all day long. Here my personal explanation

1) I'd rather stay in than go out
When the weather is less than ideal, the most enticing place to spend Friday night is most definitely my bed, not the bar.

2) If I do go out, I’m not remembering the majority of it.
 
No one wants to date a girl who blacks out every time she goes out, do they? Although, guys, at least we don’t judge you when you end your night the same way!

3) I love my best friend more than I can foresee myself loving a potential partner.

You already love your best friends and trust her whole heartedly. She basically fulfills every need you could ever want in a boyfriend.

4) I have a low tolerance for bullsh*t.

Relationships are all about understanding, patience and compromise: three things I have absolutely no interest in pursuing.

5) I have trust issues.

Seamless said my food would arrive in 30 minutes; it has now been 46 minutes! How am I expected to trust a person when so many other things in life let me down?!

6) My afterwork schedule doesn’t allow for a relationship.

Wake up, go to school, cheers practice, eat dinner, shower and go to sleep. I’m not really sure where a boyfriend would fit into this rigorous schedule

7)  I’d rather cuddle a pint of ice cream than a man.

At least this delicious snack won’t judge me for being myself!

8) I’m too picky.

He’s too short; he has too many feelings. Why does he text me all day? Why didn’t he text me all day? Blah, blah, blah. We need one of those machines where we can input exactly which qualities and traits we’d like in our dream guy, and then he magically pops out and we live happily ever after. Don't dream too much. Impossible.

Poems

I never thought missing someone this much could hurt this bad, could show you how much they mean to you, could show you how much you love him, could make you so lonely, could make so many tears. But through all this missing though i have gotten' closer and have learned how much he mean the world to me.