social anxiety, yes me.

I'm 17 years old, a girl. Uncontrollable crying, not wanting to get out of bed and go to school, and feelings of worthlessness. I was more sensitive. Nevertheless, I remained the consummate perfectionist. For instance, anything less than an “90" in school would validate my sense of inadequacy. Then, I started trying to be invisible. But I forced myself to be more comfortable around people by speaking, even though it was terrifying. I became a chameleon and tried to be and act like the kind of person I believed others thought I should be. No one should have to go through life suffering from social anxiety disorder. I think many children, especially so-called delinquents, experience this.
Ok that's the end, i just wanna say that so bye.

Help Me?

I'm 17 years old now and i've been really depressed for quite some time, just having feelings of not being good enough. I find it hard to find excitement in things, mood swings sometimes i'm really happy, sometimes i'm suicidal. I have friends but i'm not entirely myself with them. For instance i show them a part of me, but the other is missing, deep down. I do show my humour well, but i can't show the heart of me? I go through times of just crying so hard that i have really bad headaches. A big part is just peer pressure. Even know i want to cry. I have no idea what i want to do in a career, i know i'd love to go traveling all around the world, and i definitely want to move. I feel like i don't enjoy doing the things kids my age enjoy to do, my friend just wants to go out all the time and meet people. But i just hate not being in my comfort zone, so i don't go. I do go out with a friend all the time, but when it comes to being with loads of people i don't know to well. I just clam up. I feel deep down i actually like the attention, but sometimes i find it so hard to express myself. It's making me suicidal, and i'm getting to the point where i feel like i'm losing myself. Any suggestions? I don't know how to tell my mom, if i say i'm depressed she will just think i've had a bad day or something, and i always get so sensitive when i talk about it and just cry. I feel weak when I cry.

Thanks...

10 Painful Things

Imma very independent girl and some people think i'm weird because of it, but that doesn't bother me. Just because i'm not afraid to stand up for what i believe in when everyone else is sitting down. That's no reason to follow the crowds, because maybe, just maybe i'll make someone life better because i wasn't afraid. A strong girl has faith that she's strong enough for the journey, but a girl of strength has faith that is in the journey that she will become strong! Here's the 10 painful things for me

1. Bringing back the memories i've learned to forget
2. Reminiscing the good times
3. Trying to hide what i really feel
4. Loving someone who loves another
5. Shielding my heart to love somebody
6. Loving a person too much
7. Right love at the wrong time
8. Taking risk to believe to the person who has hurt me in the past
9. Accepting that it was never meant to be
10. What if(s)

Girls are sensitive. They overthink every little thing and they care way more than they should.

Things That Are Never There When I Needs Them

It usually happens to me when i’m shopping for something i need  something i really, really need  for an occasion or an event and i can’t find it. I will retrace my steps and pick my brain to try and remember the last place i remember seeing it, but no matter how many places i search or how many people i ask, i can’t find it. Here’s a list of the 10 things that are never there when i need them!

1. My phone charger
2. Tissues for a stubborn, runny nose
3. An open seat in the food court. After i’ve purchased my lunch and i'm trying to juggle my purse and a tray full of fries, i’ll have to eat on top of a garbage can until a seat or a table opens up.
4. A tampon hmm
5. The name of a song or a movie or an actor when i'm in the middle of a conversation with a group of people who are also having a giant brain freeze
6. A few extra minutes to get ready in the morning
7. The courage to burst out an “I’m sorry” or an “I love you.” Or both
8. Wristwatch
9. Dress/Shirt of the day
10. Earphones



The 8 Reasons I’d Love To Be An Undateable Girl

People b*tch and complain about being single, stressing how much they hate it and how it’s such a drag to go through life alone. You know what’s a drag? Having to tell someone what you plan on doing all day long. Here my personal explanation

1) I'd rather stay in than go out
When the weather is less than ideal, the most enticing place to spend Friday night is most definitely my bed, not the bar.

2) If I do go out, I’m not remembering the majority of it.
 
No one wants to date a girl who blacks out every time she goes out, do they? Although, guys, at least we don’t judge you when you end your night the same way!

3) I love my best friend more than I can foresee myself loving a potential partner.

You already love your best friends and trust her whole heartedly. She basically fulfills every need you could ever want in a boyfriend.

4) I have a low tolerance for bullsh*t.

Relationships are all about understanding, patience and compromise: three things I have absolutely no interest in pursuing.

5) I have trust issues.

Seamless said my food would arrive in 30 minutes; it has now been 46 minutes! How am I expected to trust a person when so many other things in life let me down?!

6) My afterwork schedule doesn’t allow for a relationship.

Wake up, go to school, cheers practice, eat dinner, shower and go to sleep. I’m not really sure where a boyfriend would fit into this rigorous schedule

7)  I’d rather cuddle a pint of ice cream than a man.

At least this delicious snack won’t judge me for being myself!

8) I’m too picky.

He’s too short; he has too many feelings. Why does he text me all day? Why didn’t he text me all day? Blah, blah, blah. We need one of those machines where we can input exactly which qualities and traits we’d like in our dream guy, and then he magically pops out and we live happily ever after. Don't dream too much. Impossible.

Poems

I never thought missing someone this much could hurt this bad, could show you how much they mean to you, could show you how much you love him, could make you so lonely, could make so many tears. But through all this missing though i have gotten' closer and have learned how much he mean the world to me.

Random Post, don't read!

Yay i just finished my mid term test! 5 days is like 5 weeks for me but no matter now i'm free~ then, i don't know what should i do then. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Wake up. Eat. Sleep.
Oke, beneran bingung mau ngapain. Biasanya kalo habis uts kan agak gabut gitu pelajarannya, ya paling satu-satunya kesibukkan yang gue hadepin cuma routines cheers. Mana libur sampe 4 hari hmmm mayan sih ngurangin stress cari refreshing yey hahaha xD Ok, i'm tired, i wanna take a nap fow awhile~ bye!!!

Udah gue bilang ini post ga penting masih aja dibaca-___-

The way I am

I know i'm not perfect. Throughout all the hurt and pain. When nobody is there for me to hear me cry out for help or scream out in pain i still have myself.  Because only i can love myself, over height or skinny, black or white, short or long hair, short or tall. I love myself the way i am there's nothing i need to change. I'll always be the perfect me there's nothing to rearrange . I love you just the way you are there's nothing you need to do  when i feel the love inside myself it's easy to love you.  Behind your fears, your rage and tears  i see your shining star  and i love you just the way you are. I love myself the way i am and still i want to grow but change outside can only come
when deep inside i know i'm beautiful and capable of being the best me i can and i love myself just the way i am :)

Could you be the one?

It feels good to be in your arms, to feel the warmness of your touch. I love to look into your beautiful eyes, to see how much you care. It feels good to have someone like you, to think about everyday. I love to take long walks with you, to hold your hand every step of the way. I love you so deeply. I love you so much. I love the sound of your voice and the way we used to touch. I love your kind and thoughtful ways and the joy you bring to my life everyday. I love you today as I have from the start. You and me are one of a kind, you and me are a perfect kind. We can't do everything forever, but I wish we could do everything together

 

Today

I've been laying here all night, listening to the rain. Talking to my heart and trying to explain. Why sometimes I catch myself wondering what might have been. Yes i do think about you, every now and then. Every morning I wake up realizing you're really far away. So I put on my make up and pray for a good day. I know God's watching and he'll lead me back to you. I just have to keep living so he can see me through. Although you're not close and many miles away my feeling's still the same, even after today. I really miss you dearly and really wish  i was there.

Miss you incredibly

Tonight you have put a something in my heart
I am slowly dying , on your door tonight
My love for you rushes upon the street
I will dream of you tonight and forever

Enough to miss you incredibly when  we're apart, no matter what length of time it’s for and regardless of  the distance. Enough to believe in our relationship, to stand by it through the worse of times, to have faith in our strength as couple, and to never give up on us. Enough to spend the rest of my life with you, be here for you when you need me and want me. It's so hard fighting for love
yes i'm fighting for your love!

As much as we argue
As much as we fight
We always turn it around by the end of the night

I really do love you
I really do care

Childhood Stories

When i was little, i believed that when i watched tv shows that has kids participate in giving answers, if i yelled out the answer enough times loudly, my voice might come out on the show, and that maybe the speakers were like a microphone and the person can hear them all and the show will randomly pick out a ‘correct’ answer from a random kid. And the screen would become a magic screen and if you point where something was enough times, they would be able to see. Then, television programming wasn’t on 24 hours a day. I would wake up around 4am and go down to the living room, turn on the TV, and stare at the color bars until they finally played the National Anthem which meant TV was starting. When that happened i would start cheering and clapping. My parents say they could hear me doing this from their bedroom.

 

Here's another mine, when i was 5 years old my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When i went to school, they asked me what i wanted when i grown up. I wrote down "HAPPY". They told me i didn't understand the assignment and i told them, they didn't understand life.



I love it when it rains

I only recently realized why i love the rain so much. When it rains, the world stops. Well, not really, but it seems that way. The sound of rain can make me go to sleep and i love falling asleep to the sound of raindrops on the roof. I love listening to the rain softly hit the windows or the roof as i go to sleep. It almost creates a feeling of comfort and being safe and that in itself will tend to lull me to sleep. Sometimes i find rain and fog so romantic. I  can go out in the rain, or i can stay in. Either is ok, depending on my mood and health. Yeah rain fits my mood perfectly. I love walking or hiking while it's raining, preferably when it's in the evening because there's just something...well, i'm not sure what word to use...but it's very calming but also sensual as well (ofc not in a nasty way) as the rain gently lands on my skin and trickles down my arms or legs plus the sound is just amazing and it really doesn't get much better than that. The last thing i wanted to say about the rain is the smell right after it rains, you either love it or hate it and i love it! Wherever...it's an unforgettable feeling and smell and it's like the rain has touched upon every single emotion i have as well as all of my senses. It's one of those kind of things where you have to experience it firsthand in order to really understand it completely.



He

He always there when i needed a shoulder to lean on, for patiently listening to my personal problems. Until now i'm happy to have him in my life and i thank God for that. When i'm with him i feel like i'm out of control, but he taught me how to handle life seriously, he taught me how to solve my problems and to face it without any fear, when I'm with him, I feel no fear, not even a single one. I miss him so much. You know, it's sunny and warm here, but my heart only has light when it comes to my memory the light in his eyes and the sparkle in his smile. I have never felt so strongly about anything like i feel about us. I know that i would do everything in my power to keep the two of us together and happy. I don’t need to tell him how much i love him, he can see it in my eyes every time i look at him. He's that one person who makes my heart flutter and that is something that no other man can ever do. When i met him, i had no idea that things would turn out to be this way, we were two strangers who found each other and realized that love was something that we could live by. I have never been able to love like i have loved him and that makes me sure that we were meant to be.

9 Days

I haven't see you for 9 days but i feels like 90 days not see you. I keep thinking of how much i love talking to you. I day-dream about you off and on, replaying pieces of our conversation, laughing at funny things that you said or did. I've memorized your face and the way that you look at me. I catch myself smiling again at what i imagine. I wonder what will happen the next time we are together and even though nothing will come out of this, i know one thing for sure, for once. I don't care, I cherish every moment I have with you.

 

I'm feeling down

From time to time, i'm get a little down, maybe even a little depressed. Maybe i'm feeling overwhelmed, or feel bad because i'm not doing well with my goals. There are many reasons for feeling down, and I’m not qualified to discuss all of them, their implications, or clinical treatment. What i can talk about are some things that have worked for me. I know i should be doing something, but i just don’t feel like doing anything. I'm just pretending anything gonna be alright, yea i think that gonna be work but the reality isn't like that. Everything gonna be okay, i hope so.

I think it's very healthy to spend time alone.
Because i'm a thinker not a talker.



The things you do

The things you do, so simple and true. Like waking up to good morning text messages from you.
They give me goosebumps. When you call me baby i can't help but smile. Our random moments, they tingle my skin. The way you say, "I love you." it gives me butterflies. Your laughter. Music to my ears. Your smile. It brightens up my entire day. Erlang...my point is the simplest things you do mean the world to me.

Someone like you

Your eyes so brown looking down at me. You made me feel so loved, so real and i tried to hide it but my heart revealed. The way you hold me so comforting, so tight. This feels like heaven, so real to be true.When your lips touched mine i was falling head over heels and when it was over i was longing for it still. You're not like the guys in the past you take things slow (Mr. Take It Slow) and don’t move too fast. I’ve never had a boyfriend like you before, you always say you love me before I hang up the phone and text me good morning before the sun has even shone. Though you are far away but not too far from my heart. I used to dream of someone like you to hold me tight and see me through. To love my eyes and love my smile and when i'm scared stay with me a while. But now i've got you i don’t know what to do. It's amazing this feeling i have for you. Everyday I love you more and more. When life gets me down your always there, a good heart like yours is very rare. You’re my world you’re my universe my star. All my worries and problems disappear when you hold me in your arms i have no fear. The only fear I have that’s true is living my life without someone like you.

"I miss you,"

"You miss me? But I'm right here."

 

That's the worst way to miss somebody. When they're right beside you and you miss them anyway.

Cheers

Hello fellas, how's life? Today i wanna share about one of my activities, being a cheerleader.
You know cheerleading is one of the most dangerous sports to date, but it takes true dedication to be able to sustain a successful cheerleading career. Stereotypes, injuries, and lack of support are just a few of the adversities cheerleaders face today. But true love for the sport keeps it alive. Fear of injury. Gymnastic equal danger. Stereotypes and non believers. Dedication build characters.

What does it mean to you to be a cheerleader? Do you do it for the physical challenge or for the popularity aspect? What life lessons, if any, have you gotten from being a cheerleader? When asked, "Why are you a cheerleader" how do you answer?

 

Why I want to be a cheerleader.

I love being a cheerleader because... it builds confidence, i've made new friends i'll have forever, and its awesome!! But not only that, I can prove all the haters wrong by being a great student, and person. people always think cheerleaders are stupid and mean....but they are not.

Lessons I've learned from cheerleading

I've learned how to be a good person, get good grades, and how to be confident. I've also learned that all cheerleaders aren't mean and stupid. I have also learned that stupid stereotypes aren't always true.

Advice

Try your best
Never give up
Trust your team mates

Get fire up, TIGERZ!♥

The Boring Holiday

Hello Fellas!~ Now i've pass grade in to class 10! Yay congratulations for me and for everyone! do you enjoy your holiday? huft my holiday isn't that fun-_- i spent most of all the holiday time in the house. So bored huh? I just wonder what sould i do to make my holiday was fun when i were at home. Fangirling? yeah i spent my second by second for fangirling my bias ah i mean my husband. LOL. And then i just worried about my weight! I ate then sleep then playing computer and handphone, just sitting, watching tv, ughhhhh. Ok nevermind that's sounds so personal-_- *sigh* Hmm okay i think this is time to take a bath. i posted this just because i'm boring and i don't know what should i do kkkkkk bye~ see you at my next post~ i wonder i get something fun in my head